ive been through a lot in life, but by most metrics ive made it out and have a relatively good life. but for some reason, its like this cloud always seems to follow me… and now it really feels like its engulfing me. i feel like im becoming so detached from reality. my friends don’t care enough / dont wan’t to listen when i need someone to talk to (and i can hardly blame them, who would want to hear the ramblings of some depressed person). i just feel so horrible all the time, thinking about how meaningless this existence can be, feeling like i shouldn’t even bother going on, and i hate these thoughts so much. sorry for how unstructured this is or how unorganised my thoughts are, i just can’t bear to hold it in any longer, i feel like im going to snap if i keep bottling it up.
Have you considered talking to a psychologist? I’ve never been clinically depressed, but I was going through some stuff and went to a few sessions. It really helped me a lot.
I’ve no idea how practical that is where you live, but if it is an option I can’t recommend it enough.