I (19M) am bi, and I happen to be good friends with a woman named Angela (34F). Angela knows my parents, and she used to be my babysitter. I’m mostly attracted to other men, and Angie is probably one of the few girls that I’m sexually attracted to. I’m in love with her, and I’m actually pretty obsessed with her.
This past July, Angie and I went on a hike together. It was just the two of us. Before the hike, she took her shirt off and left it at her house, so for the entire day, she was wearing nothing but a very low-cut, spaghetti strap sports bra and her running shorts. I got really turned on by her body, so I couldn’t help but hit on her and make sexual comments about her during the hike. She did not seem to mind, but she was sweating very heavily and was acting pretty jumpy around me.
Eventually, about an hour into our hike, we realized that we were lost and that we had no idea where we were. When we realized this, Angie started to cry, and she couldn’t stop crying and sweating for the rest of the hike. Despite this, I continued to make sexual comments about her because I was so horny. After a while, she eventually started screaming and begging somebody to get her out of there. I didn’t lay a hand on her, except near the end of our hike, when I snuck up behind her and grabbed her abs. When I did this, she screamed a second time. By the time we figured out where we were again and got back to the car, Angela was a disheveled, nervous wreck. When we got in the car, she just rested her head on the steering wheel and sobbed to herself.
My question is: did I mess up, or was Angie just being a crybaby? Or were we both at fault?
politely, i think you messed up
speaking as someone who gets horribly anxious in similar situations, being flirted with is one reliable way to take it from anxiety to panic attack
i think of the consent system of bdsm in situations like this, where crying should be interpreted as someone saying red light or another safeword. when tears are involved, or someone is disturbed in that way, (for lack of a better way of expressing this) fuck your emotions. turn off everything but the parts of your brain that handle caring for someone.
since you’re here, i dont think this is hopeless at all though, youre willing to change and want to understamd what you did wrong. i commend you for that, and i hope you remember the “red light” idea for next time something similar happens.