Ok people, im gonna try to make this as short as possible so i dont go off rambling. Married 3 yrs, together 7, for a large portion of that time I (M43) have not been able to find decent, long term work, despite having good credentials and tons of experience in the IT industry. Her (F37), barber with about 15 yrs experience in the industry. I finally found something, good, not too difficult work, good people, decent money. So literally on the DAY of my first paycheck, she calls me and says that her best friend (who she works with as well), decided to walk out due to the boss verbally abusing her. So SHE says, “i think im going to quit too, ive wanted to for a while”. I say i dont like the idea, and maybe instead of trying to teach her boss a “lesson” she stay for a while as we are JUST getting financial stability now that i am working as well. She wont listen, and quits/walks out the door. So, this was a few days ago, and she is partnering with an associate of mine to make money, and has a bunch of other “plans” in the works. Now here is the kicker: she did EXACTLY the same thing 7 years ago, SAME boss, SAME company, SAME situation (friend quits, so i will too). This caused a full 3 years of messing around at jobs she didnt like until she WENT BACK to that job (4 yrs ago). So, I have been thinking about “moving on” for a long time, as i just dont feel like im living the life i could be.
YTA. It mirht be a bad decision and on that you should elaborate with her.
However, her leaving her job because of bad management is her choice. She is right to do so.
You should speak with her and tell her that you respect her decision to leave, but she should pursue something serious. I know tou want financial stability but… Ultimately that means that for years she had to pull your weight, now it’s time for you to do the same.
Yta. She stood by you while you were out of work, and I’m wondering if she only went back to this same boss same company because she felt she had to because of your job situation.
I’m also getting AH vibes from the fact that you’ve been considering moving on for a while but curiously didn’t do it while she was footing the bills but now that you’ve got employment you’re actually considering it. If you have any interest in not being the AH, you should carry her until she can find a job she actually likes with decent pay, decent people (like she just did for you), and then after you get that true financial stability reassess if you actually think the relationship isn’t working.
It’s definitely OK to question your partners decision. I would prefer a coordinated change from one job to the next, too, if it were my partner although I understand that sometimes everything hangs by a thread. But the rent has to be paid, and that should always be the first priority, especially in a relationship were we care for each other.
What is that thing about “moving on”? You are talking about leaving her? That’s a completely different beast (although of course it is tied to financial security and jobs, too). If you’re missing the emotional support or the sexual connection or whatever your take on relationships is: Communicate and try to find out which ways you both are seeing for your futures.
If those ways match and the relationship works for both: Fine, continue, work on it. If not then not.
I feel like I need more information. Will she still be able to pay her share of the bills with whatever work she has? If so then you need to step back and let her try other things for a bit. If she is still paying her half, then a real sit down adult conversation about how you two are going to build up your savings is needed. I’m leaning towards ESH.
