So I know everyone is going to answer “yes”, but I want actual real thoughts. I just want to know where I fit in.
I’m AMAB, and present as male, at least on the surface. I’ve always felt that was wrong though. But I don’t necessarily think I’m a woman. I wish I was more feminine. And recently I started full body laser hair removal, and I have pretty long hair, and currently have my toe nails painted. But I also have a beard, and otherwise present totally as cis.
Am I “trans”? I don’t feel “cis”, but I feel like calling myself trans just isn’t accurate and is inappropriate. Is there any other option?
And a complicating factor is that I’m basically only attracted to female presenting people. I see a lot of mtf trans people posting online “t4t”. Would other trans people consider me “trans”?
Hey OP I’m in a somewhat similar boat so maybe I can chime in to help.
I’ve pondered many many times if I’m trans/would like to present as a woman. Every time I come out of those introspection sessions feeling like I wouldn’t mind being a woman at all (physically or not), but I also don’t feel a strong desire to be one either, nor do I have feelings of dysphoria with regards to my current body (or euphoria at the idea of changing it to be like a woman’s for that matter).
But like you I also think I wish I was more female presenting and I like “traditionally female” things, so to speak (as a silly anectodte, just this past summer I painted my whole room pink and started collecting plushies, even though I still have a thick ass beard).
I think in the end, if I were to label myself, this lands me somewhere in the non-binary spectrum, because I don’t have a strong attachment to the notion of maleness and have never seen myself “fully” as a man, but I also don’t think I could go around calling myself a woman either.
And after several years of this mental back and forth I frankly just now forgo the idea of labeling myself (which I guess could be a label like agender but I’ve never given it much thought). It’s tiring and nothing ever feels like it fits entirely. I feel happier doing what I like and presenting how I like, and that’s enough.
Of course this isn’t to say you’re the same as me, but I hope this helps broaden your horizons if you don’t feel like you’re trans but not exactly cis either.
Demi gender labels may be of interest to you. Being transfem doesn’t necessitate being feminine or un-masculine in any way. You can be yourself authentically, be whoever you want to be. And being a non-binary or demi or fluid person does NOT mean you deserve any less respect from others. I know it’s the tendency to say things like “I use he/him or she/her because it’s easiest for others” and the same with terms like sir/ma’am, boy/girl, man/woman, etc. But you by no means have to. You can ask to be referred to however you want. It is on other people to respect your identity and your choice in how you are gendered. If they won’t respect that it has nothing to do with your identity being invalid and everything to do with them being disrespectful assholes. All forms of gender identity are valid.
Demi gender is certainly a way I could approach my situation. For the most part, at least online (lord knows no one around me irl could even wrap their head around it) I just use any/all pronouns and feel satisfied with that. I guess I’m jus mostly apathetic towards it.
I’m fairly similar to this myself. I don’t really care too much about my gender identity; it feels like if I woke up tomorrow in a female-presenting body, I’d be totally fine with being a woman. At the same time, I don’t mind being a man, and don’t have any strong desire to change anything.
At the end of the day, I don’t strongly identify with being either male or female, so I’ve just called myself gender apathetic. I stick with he/him pronouns because it’s easiest, but I’d be fine with any other pronouns as well. I’m me, and that’s the most important thing.
Any/All pronouns are powerful. I hope people in your life are respectful of that. You may want to have a look at agender labels and the communities associated with them. My partner is largely gender apathetic but dysphoric about being gendered femininely. They identify quite strongly with the term “agender” and I’ve learned a lot about that community through them.