Like, why am I here?

For over 15 years now I feel like my life has lost any direction, and this years things had gotten only worse. I could get used to have zero friends and social life, and accepted the fact that I’ll remain eternally invisible to women, call it incel behaviour idgaf, I know women don’t want weak people like me, but that’s me, I won’t change, that’s my nature, my soul… Hell I realised that I couldn’t ever leave my mom’s home because I know I couldn’t live alone…

But now also being unemployed for almost a year now, after leaving my abusive, underpaid job full of bullies and tyrannic boss. Why my life had to end like this? I’m not a good person, I’m aware but I’ve seen awful people with money, women, married and kids, car, with their own house… And I can’t get a single thing? If I going to suffer like this until I get old and truly completely alone and homeless I’m better dying of a heart attack now.

Please, don’t give me advice (oh you need to fight, you make your own life worth it, self fulfilling prophecy) I’ve heard all that before and it won’t help me. I just needed to get this thing out of me, my “real” life is over.

And please don’t try to be a bully here. My comment is about my life, it shouldn’t bother you in any way.

  • Today@lemmy.worldEnglish
    31·
    2 months ago

    I don’t think there’s an answer. We show up, we make the world a little better or worse for a short time, and then we’re gone. In 120 years it will be all new people. I don’t know what my job here is - feed some cats, ‘save’ a couple of dogs, help a few kids? Some people are driven to achieve. I’m not. I work for money and because it’s expected. There’s nothing I do that someone else couldn’t step in and do as well or better. Some days are more fun than others but i rarely feel any sense of accomplishment. I do make a point to tell my family that i love them every day. It’s something i wish i had started before my mom passed.

    After a bad argument many years ago my husband said, “i don’t know why i get so angry. I’m done making the people i love cry.” From that day he changed his outlook. So, i guess my best advice is to do what you want, help when you can, and try not to hurt the people you love.

    Weird ending, but have you tried gardening? I’ve met several people recently who really, honestly enjoy growing things - tomatoes, peppers, whatever.