Hi everyone! It’s my first post here in an attempt to make this community a bit more active.
I’ve been recently diagnosed at 26 so it’s all pretty new to me. However, I really appreciate the fact that now I have a new vocabulary to talk about the stuff I experience and communities like this which might be helpful in understanding myself better.
I’m a Software Engineer and I love everything related to programming / Linux / Computer Science. It’s been quite literally the most important part of my life since I was like 15. Usually it’s great but sometimes when I get a new idea I tend to hyperfixate pretty hard on it to the point where it becomes quite tiring. It could be an idea for a new project, a new technology to learn or to configure something in my Linux setup. Right now it’s moving my entire computer setup to NixOS.
When I fixate on something like this I usually spend pretty much all of my free time on it. Moreover, my sleep usually is hurt as well because I often can’t fall asleep thinking about the stuff I’m currently working on. I will literally lie in bed trying to fall asleep and my brain tries to solve problems or plans and designs stuff. I will spend most of my weekends in front of the computer, even though I love spending time outside, especially in the nice summer weather. But I just can’t seem to stop. I force myself to go for walks and runs but it’s not really relaxing because, you guessed it, I’m thinking about my project all the time. If I try to distract myself with a podcast I will often notice 15 minutes in that I stopped listening after the first minute or so.
I need some way to balance this computer stuff with other things in my life. I just need to chill out sometimes. To play some games, watch some youtube or read a book lying in a hammock without thinking about programming literally every minute I’m awake.
The best solution I found so far is weed. It’s not 100% effective but in general getting high and going outside tends to help me relax at least a bit. Well, travelling or meeting with people is usually effective in breaking my train of thoughts too. But obviously it comes with its own set of challenges and it’s not something I’m willing to do often.
So, fellow autists, do you experience something similar? How do you deal with it? Please share advice, experience, or anything related.
I’ve got ADHD/OCD so I don’t know if this changes things a bit, but I tend to rotate my hyperfixations and a lot of them involve things like going outside and riding a bike, skating, hiking, etc. so I’ve found it to be a good way to break things up. I also keep a bedtime mode set up on my phone where everything turns greyscale and the phone tells me to go to bed. It’s not perfect, but it definitely helps!
Same. Mostly just ADHD, but rotating helps a lot, with some that I force myself to do, like exercising (but rotate programs too). Sometimes I even come back to old ones!
Thanks for answering!
Sport activities are a non-optional part of my routine. Calisthenics, walking, running, biking. I do those no matter what so at least my physical health is taken care of. The sad part is that during a fixation period I do them as a chore without really enjoying it.
Welcome among us, and thank you for sharing your feelings.
I get this too. I got diagnosed at 11 but my father actively blocked any kind of therapy or coaching so I just kind of ignored it (and suffered as a result) until my 30s or so. I remember lamenting to my friends as a teenager that I wish I could just “switch off” sometimes, it’s exhausting to be constantly on and mentally running. And like you, I’ve also found weed to be very helpful - with sleep, mostly, and my appetite.
I don’t have any advice though, sorry bud. All I can offer is some solidarity that you’re not alone and this experience of yours isn’t abnormal.
Well, that, and maybe trying hallucinogens at some point. I really like the way mushrooms change the way I think, and the residual mood boost for a few days after is quite nice too. Good luck!
I’m in a similar boat too, but I don’t have any advice either sadly. I’ve been struggling with managing hyperfixations my whole life too so all I can offer is sympathy. The switching off issue is especially rough and has been ruining my sleep my whole life.
I can’t use weed medically sadly since my country is insanely archaic in terms of drug policy, but hopefully it will change some day. I’m glad some people out there get some relief.
Thanks! Solidarity is more than enough. Maybe it’s the novelty of my diagnosis but just finding out that there are people sharing some of my struggles gives me some kind of a relief.
I’m actually familiar with both shrooms and LSD. While I had mostly positive experiences with them, it wasn’t anything life changing. Definitely didn’t affect that part of my life. Still fun though.
I wish you all the best too!
(The last bit after the break line is the most important if this much text is a lot)
A while back I really started to look at how I was feeling in any given moment and allow that to help me decide what I should be doing about it. Ok that makes less sense without context so:
Imagine you’ve been going for a bit. You’re starting get hungry, a little thirsty, and you’re noticing that you’re rushing a little on certain things. Maybe you’ve felt the urge to snap at someone or you’re clawing at what you’re doing in the hopes that progress on it will help settle you done. Sometimes I’m just fixated on doing something and I’ll notice that nothing is scratching the itch so my search starts to make me feel desperate.
That’s the moment I’ll boot up Headspace(do whatever you want here I’m just saying what I do) and do a couple of the “morning” things. I find that they don’t do much for me if I start my day with them but they’re a great way to slow me down when I start to get funky in the afternoon. It reminds me that I don’t need to be doing something and that taking time to simply exist is ok. Even when I lose focus and get distracted by my thoughts I won’t give up on it and will still do my best while the timer’s running. I like an app because I can tell myself “these people made this for you, be respectful of that time and try to listen”.
Your walk n’ weed may have a similar function in your life but you’ve gotta make sure that you understand what’s happening through some honest introspection. It could very well be that you’ve already got a solution but haven’t yet realized it so it’s being held back.
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Personally I’ve found that working on listening to myself has always helped. Even when I can’t do my full break it’s helped that I can now notice when I’m starting to get into a bit of a state and, in that noticing, I can pivot. Sometimes it’s just as good to dramatically(but not so as to startle anyone else) put “pencils down” no matter what I’m in the middle of or where that middle is, close my eyes for a second, and come back in control. The drama is in gently pushing the mouse away, placing the instrument on my lap, or putting the phone face down on any available surface, and then place my open hands on my desk/lap/whatever isn’t the stressor to ground myself.
A shocking few things will actually be hurt by you “losing momentum” if you stop so abrubtly in this way and 95% of those are OSHA violations so you’re probably not going to encounter them much in day-to-day life.
It’s going to be hard, at least at first, but try to go easy on yourself. Some days it may not last as long as others, and every so often your solution might not even work, but that’s ok. You’re going to be ok.
Thank you for such an insightful response! I appreciate it very much. It actually resonates with me a lot. I will definitely try to apply your advice in my life.
I’m glad I could be helpful! Thanks for the thanks!
Write down your plans and/or thoughts.
When you’re not near your sticky pads, computer, or notebook and think of something new, create a note in your phone.
Once it’s written down, I stop looping over the same ideas
As you complete your ideas remove/erase them. Basically, clean as you go so you stay organized.
Sometimes my thoughts just won’t stop when I’m trying to sleep. For me, having an evening walk (while listening to music) helps. Maybe this works for you too.
