Of course, I’d do all the obvious things, such as getting a bigger house, a newer car, and quitting work, but beyond that, I have no interest in an extravagant lifestyle—or at least that’s what I tell myself.
By a bigger house, I mean one typical of upper-middle-class living. I’ve watched plenty of videos of people touring million-dollar mansions, and they all look too big, open, and sterile to me. I’ve seen cozier tiny homes than those. And by a newer car, I mean a 2017 model or so instead of the 2007 one I drive now.
Really, give me a nice cottage by the lake with some land and a big garage for all my tools and toys, and I’m all set. I much prefer the idea of “hidden wealth” over showing it off. I’m just kind of worried that I wouldn’t be able to live up to my own expectations if push comes to shove, and there’s really no way of testing that. Am I just kidding myself here?
I feel the same way about fame. Many people aspire to become successful YouTubers or such, but the idea of people recognizing me on the street sounds awful.
You are suddenly super rich. Now all your friends and family expect you to provide for them. Every kindness they offer is suspect, are they doing it because they like you or because they want your money? How can you really know?
You don’t have to work and can go anywhere in the world. But your friends still have jobs, so you travel alone.
Some of your friends start to resent your new lifestyle. Others may just be staying quiet. You read about “crabs in a bucket” and distance yourself more from them.
It’s really isolating, but you meet some other wealthy people and you know they don’t need your money. And… you actually have some stuff in common with them. Yes Ibiza is overrated, but they suggest another place to check out. You go out with them to amazing restaurants that your old friends wouldn’t even appreciate. You can commiserate about how hard it is to get good help these days.
On top of all that, you slowly start to notice an emptiness inside. You should be happy! You don’t have to work anymore! You have everything you could ever want! Why do you feel this way!?!? Drugs and expensive purchases fill the need momentarily. If try telling your old friends that you’re not all that fulfilled, they’ll pull out the world’s tiniest violin for you. You lack purpose and goals, and feel like you are drifting in a life of luxury completely devoid of meaning.
If you’re lucky you find a way to have a new purpose in life and accept that the money changed you. If not you spiral and, best case scenario, wind up broke.
Don’t have to worry about your friend’s motives if you honestly want to help them.
Travel a little bit. Spend most of your time at home, either enjoying the simple pleasures, or with friends and family.
So what if they are taking advantage of you? You are rich! What’s the downside?
Sure, you have to be vigilant against con artists, grifters, and addicts. You have to draw a line somewhere. Maybe don’t fund their casino trips, drug trips, or Candy Crush high score.
Extravagant birthday gifts? College tuition for your niblings? Why not?
If someone is lying to you, you will find out eventually. I’d rather have friends now and let future me deal with the fallout from the grifters.
The “why not” is that some people actually are harmed not helped by being handed stuff. I tried to help one of my friends who lived with me rent free for a year and by the end he was completely unmotivated to actually get or keep a job, contribute around the house, or even behave pleasantly towards anyone in the house. It happened gradually over time til living with him became intolerable.
Then you have a hard conversation.
I’ve been that person. I lived with my grandparents for a year. Rent free, nearly no job. My aunt and uncle sat me down and explained that they appreciated my work helping to care for my grandparents, but if I stayed with them I would only be qualified for a career as a home health aid.
I talked to my extended family and moved out. Other arrangements were made for my grandparents. I found a job and started a new career. It’s certainly possible to enable bad behavior, but it’s also possible to help someone that needs it.
Good on you for being receptive to their conversation and actually making improvements and changes. Not everyone behaves that way, some people like my friend just become dependent on the help instead. It’s important to recognize that external help isn’t always the solution; that shouldn’t stop us from trying to help initially but it’s important to withdraw it if it’s causing dependency.
That’s completely reasonable.
One of those guides to “what to do if you win the lottery” says to, up front, decide how much and who you want to fund. Want to buy all your friends and family houses and college tuition? Sure.
But the thing is that money can make people go crazy. Some people will always want more. Sure you got them a house, but you’re rich, why can’t you get them a car too? And now they’re a little behind on bills, surely you can help them out, right? And it never stops. Not everyone, but someone.
You might be interested in this podcast episode that touches on the subject: https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/between-two-worlds/
That’s tragic when it happens. I know that it will happen. Free lunches attract flies.
That doesn’t mean you can’t help people. It means you cut them off when it’s clear they are being hurt and not helped.