Sorry to hear that about your dad. I’ve got two of those in our family, too. Well, my dad would be, but he was a cop himself once and is a staunch, practicing Christian and I think his ethos is founded on profound respect for authority - even if he doesn’t agree with them. The one placed he breaks any laws is a tenancy to speed on rural roads. My MIL, on the other hand, is practically an anarchist, except not really; she just thinks she should be in charge, and everyone should be doing what she believes. She’s the one with dementia, and even if I didn’t think QAnon/OAnon weren’t insane grifters, I will never forgive them for what they’ve done to her. She wouldn’t be nearly so bad if she didn’t consume that idiocy.
Dementia destroys families. It really helps if the person was diagnosed early and accepts the diagnosis and gets medication. Undiagnosed, or late diagnosis, of Alzheimer’s and dementia is the worst case. Paranoia is a common symptom, and once they decided that it’s not that they’re not going crazy but that The System and their family is out to get them, it’s just a living hell.
Yep. My dad had a late diagnosis. We didn’t really understand what was going on until he tried to attack a cop. At age 82. He died in a nursing home a year later after a very quick decline, so at least he didn’t suffer for long… but he was a pretty angry person his whole life and we just thought he was getting more angry and crotchety. But by the time he had attacked a cop, he had found a reason to decide every single friend he had was actually out to get him and some of them told me after he had died and they found out it was dementia that they were really sad because they didn’t know what they had done wrong, including one of my dad’s former students who was absolutely devoted to him… and still is. Just a few weeks ago, he sent me a link to a long, glowing article he wrote about my dad. He had the cover of one of my dad’s books as a 70th birthday cake because my dad put a short essay in it he wrote when he was still a teenager and he had been in awe of him ever since.
I felt so bad about what happened with him. He spent several years wondering what he could have possibly done to make the man he idolized hate him so much.
My condolences. I have some people in the family who are furious with my MIL, and I keep having to remind them that it’s the disease. I’m probably the most patient with her, but even I struggle to be with her for any length of time without getting angry, even with the knowledge that it’s not her.
My step-father is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s, and he’s been on medication from the start, which has been a mixed blessing. He’s hung on for longer than usual, but just stays on this side of palliative/hospice. It’s sad because he’s such a drain on my mother. He’s much easier to deal with than my un-diagnosed (and refusing to see any doctors) MIL, but my mom says the hardest thing about my step-father is that he’s not the man she married, and it’s like living with a complete stranger. It’s eerily similar to what my wife says about her mother: she says her mom died years ago, and the woman in her body is a stranger.
Personally, after these experiences, I have warned my entire family, and have an agreement with my wife, that if I start to decline in this way, before it gets that bad we’re going to take a visit to Switzerland and I’m going to get in a Sarco Pod. No shade on people who don’t want to do this, but I neither want to experience it, nor inflict my symptoms on my loved ones.
I’m sorry to hear about the issues with the elders in your family. The one positive thing that came out if it is that I have vowed to not die angry like he did if at all possible and it has made me a much less angry person.
Sorry to hear that about your dad. I’ve got two of those in our family, too. Well, my dad would be, but he was a cop himself once and is a staunch, practicing Christian and I think his ethos is founded on profound respect for authority - even if he doesn’t agree with them. The one placed he breaks any laws is a tenancy to speed on rural roads. My MIL, on the other hand, is practically an anarchist, except not really; she just thinks she should be in charge, and everyone should be doing what she believes. She’s the one with dementia, and even if I didn’t think QAnon/OAnon weren’t insane grifters, I will never forgive them for what they’ve done to her. She wouldn’t be nearly so bad if she didn’t consume that idiocy.
Dementia destroys families. It really helps if the person was diagnosed early and accepts the diagnosis and gets medication. Undiagnosed, or late diagnosis, of Alzheimer’s and dementia is the worst case. Paranoia is a common symptom, and once they decided that it’s not that they’re not going crazy but that The System and their family is out to get them, it’s just a living hell.
Yep. My dad had a late diagnosis. We didn’t really understand what was going on until he tried to attack a cop. At age 82. He died in a nursing home a year later after a very quick decline, so at least he didn’t suffer for long… but he was a pretty angry person his whole life and we just thought he was getting more angry and crotchety. But by the time he had attacked a cop, he had found a reason to decide every single friend he had was actually out to get him and some of them told me after he had died and they found out it was dementia that they were really sad because they didn’t know what they had done wrong, including one of my dad’s former students who was absolutely devoted to him… and still is. Just a few weeks ago, he sent me a link to a long, glowing article he wrote about my dad. He had the cover of one of my dad’s books as a 70th birthday cake because my dad put a short essay in it he wrote when he was still a teenager and he had been in awe of him ever since.
I felt so bad about what happened with him. He spent several years wondering what he could have possibly done to make the man he idolized hate him so much.
My condolences. I have some people in the family who are furious with my MIL, and I keep having to remind them that it’s the disease. I’m probably the most patient with her, but even I struggle to be with her for any length of time without getting angry, even with the knowledge that it’s not her.
My step-father is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s, and he’s been on medication from the start, which has been a mixed blessing. He’s hung on for longer than usual, but just stays on this side of palliative/hospice. It’s sad because he’s such a drain on my mother. He’s much easier to deal with than my un-diagnosed (and refusing to see any doctors) MIL, but my mom says the hardest thing about my step-father is that he’s not the man she married, and it’s like living with a complete stranger. It’s eerily similar to what my wife says about her mother: she says her mom died years ago, and the woman in her body is a stranger.
Personally, after these experiences, I have warned my entire family, and have an agreement with my wife, that if I start to decline in this way, before it gets that bad we’re going to take a visit to Switzerland and I’m going to get in a Sarco Pod. No shade on people who don’t want to do this, but I neither want to experience it, nor inflict my symptoms on my loved ones.
I’m sorry to hear about the issues with the elders in your family. The one positive thing that came out if it is that I have vowed to not die angry like he did if at all possible and it has made me a much less angry person.