CLAYTON, MO—Rolling their eyes at the homemaker’s ignorance, sources confirmed Monday that self-proclaimed “trad wife” Tessa Busby was not even kidnapped from the village of her birth by a rival viking clan. “Has she ever gotten stuffed into a sack and transported across the North Sea on a longship?” said one source,…
And shit… man, she kidnapped herself. Well sure, man. Look at it… a young trophy wife, in the parlance of our times, you know, and she, uh, uh, owes money all over town, including to known pornographers, and that’s cool… that’s, that’s cool, I’m, I’m saying, she needs money, man.