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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Quiet_Method_592 on 2023-08-22 22:54:33.

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Me (M36) and my partner (M38) have 2 kids Luke (M18) and Jay (M15).

Some background info : We took the boys under our care when they were 8 and 11. Before they came with us they had been in different families/ group homes for over a year. It was hard for luke to understand that they were with us for good and that he had his own bedroom and family. Me and my partner know that he stills sometimes has insecurities about it and a recent one was about him leaving for college.

We explained to Luke that even if he was 18 and leaving the house he would still have a room and place at home, be it now or in 10/25 years. That he would still be our kid at 40 and we will always be here for him.

Now the issue. My cousin (F42) recently broke up and needed a somewhere to live for her and her two boys (M16/M12).

Me and my partner have a house big enough and we agreed to host them free of charge for 6 months until she gets her bearings back. For the house me and my partner have a kind of master bedroom with our bedroom, bathroom and office. Our boys have their own room and they share a bathroom and my cousin’s boys have the guest room with a bathroom. My cousin has a room on the ground floor, it’s not big but she has the space for a bed, a desk and a wardrobe.

Last week we got the keys for Luke’s flat and we started the process of furnishing it, he will offically move in next week and will start uni the week after.

This week end my cousin asked when Luke’s room will be empty. I told her that it will not be, that he will only take his clothes, books, decorative items… basically his room will stay the same and he will take only what he wanted. She then asked how she will be able to move in the room with all his stuff still here. I told her she won’t, that it will still be his bedroom. He will still come home on some week ends, holidays…

She then complained about the fact that she was living in a « storage room », that she was the only one without her own bathroom and that it was unfair of us to have an empty bedroom in our house and not give it to her.

Me and my partner were very firm in our decision but my mom and aunt called and told me that it was a bit unfair of us to not offer proper accomodation for my cousin and that Luke could do without a room for a few months now that he has his flat for the school year.

I disagree, for me it’s more than a bedroom it’s what it represents. It’s his own place for him in our home and it’s something I want him to have for as long as possible.

I’ve been called selfish and that I was coddling him too much over this so I would like an outsider percesptive.