Repeat after me - “Hey, don’t bring up politics at Christmas, just enjoy the holiday.” “Come on, man, nobody wants to hear that kinda crap at Christmas, you’re ruining it.” “Can’t you just let it go for a day and let us enjoy ourselves?”

Remember, they’re the asshole for bringing it up. That’s how you win that game.

By reading theory (well, listening to audiobooks) I have developed the ability to bore my relatives to death as a defense mechanism. No one wants to talk about anything annoying anymore because I’m more annoying than they could ever hope to be! 😈

I am simply not visiting those people this year

Ladies and gentlemen: I give you the official DragonBallZinn’s guide to holiday politics!

Number one and also the TL;DR: Do not engage. This is so important I wrote an essay in the rest of this comment about it!

Actually arguing with CHUDs is what they want, it’s the TV trope of can’t argue with elves. So therefore, the winning move is to not play, but you can do this in a way that makes you look good.

Put out an air that you are too good for politics. You can do this in many ways: “why talk about politics when we can be enjoying time together?” You can look at some of your other relatives and say “could we talk about something else? It’s Christmas!”. If you slip up and give them something to bite on, just say “oops, sorry. now’s not the time for me to explain but we can discuss this some other time if you’re really interested.” Even if it doesn’t register to them, it registers to relatives, even more conservative relatives that your uncle/grandparent/cousin/whatever, the conservative, is the one being a burden and not the “wokescold”. How pathetic is that when a progressive is outdoing them in the “just enjoy things like normal people” department?

Number two: If you’re feeling confident, push back a little bit but refuse to elaborate.

This is more of a plan B if you slip up and engage. For example, for whatever reason China was brought up yesterday and my uncle was going on about how they ban religion in communist countries. I mentioned that China does have Christmas but it’s just commercial, and that China recognizes 5 religions including Xinjiang having a huge Muslim population. Obviously the Uyghurs were brought up, but I really just mentioned that the Uyghurs have been there for decades and now’s not really the time to go into detail: it’s Christmas after all and we can discuss it later (and “later” will never come). The psychology is that I’m openly left-wing, I know some things they don’t but I have the tact to know ‘now’s not the time for argument, we have a holiday to enjoy.’ so if he brings up politics afterwards: he’s the asshole.

Number three: Especially if you’re younger, NEVER go on the offensive.

Follows with tip 1. Make them feel like the burden. If these types can sense that you came here with a chip on your shoulder, they’re going to try to make their Christmas dream of “triggering their SJW moral[slur] relative” come true. Even if it feels like you’re ‘letting them win’, the worst case scenario is that they will chalk it up in their heads that they ‘won’, but it will be a hollow victory because they never got to see you squirm or actually get an argument out of you. I know I’m repeating myself here, but it’s more like giving off the impression that you’re just a normal guy enjoying the holidays. That does more for the left than any argument ever will.

Number four: If they start going for the jugular and start getting too fashy, and they don’t openly hate you, try pulling them aside.

Pull them aside and mention that what they said kinda sucked, and if you want to explain why say something like “I know a few black/trans people and they’re alright.” obviously they’ll double down and at that point just say “I’m not mad or trying to argue, I’m just saying.”

Number five: If you’re a dude, help out with the setting up or cleaning especially if you simply must show some disagreement.

• Actions speak louder than words. Your aunt can be as much of a tradwife as she wants, she’s probably not going to decline when you ask to assist with washing dishes or bringing food you made yourself. It shows that as a man you don’t see yourself above “women’s work” or her as ‘the help’ for men. Not only does it establish maturity that you’re now part of making it special for the kids, but it can get some of the gears turning on two things: “maybe people who disagree with me aren’t all hypocrites if my woke nephew is willing to walk the walk and lend me a hand.” to maybe “Hey, why don’t the men help out?”

• For anyone who has a more competitive personality type, this can be your avenue for winning a dick measuring contest with your CHUD relatives that can make them look bad by comparison. In addition, you can make some tasty ass food, dress super well for the occasion, or fluff up some of your accomplishments this year.

Number six: here’s another plan B if you do get baited and need an out: If your family is white and/or Christian, you can use respectability politics right back.

• CHUDs think they’re the oppressed ones, or that they’re being subject to excessive punishment for their crimes at best. So if they say something particularly racist, play along with their victimhood and say “No wonder liberals/minorities/LGBT people think we’re all a bunch of nazis. Maybe if we weren’t such assholes, we’d get the respect we deserve. Just saying”

TL;DR: You have too much class to argue during the Holidays, so don’t because investing too much about politics is dumb. If you feel like it, try to win the dick-measuring contest some other way. Make the tastier cookies, tell some cool stories about your accomplishments or skills you’re developing. Outdress everyone.

My favourite christmas fact this year is jesus was a palestinian jew born in palestine and a refugee.

The reactionaries absolutely love this information at parties. It’s fun and relevant because it’s christmas obviously.

This is gonna be my day tomorrow. I would simply avoid it, except it’s also my little brother’s 40th birthday, and I will deal with an entire mountain of assholes to hang out with him - which is exactly what I will be doing.

Tomorrow, I will spend the afternoon with my awesome little brother, along with my MAGA parents and my absolutely detestable, horrifically bigoted older sister and her abusive, psychotic husband, who has fallen down all the Q rabbit holes on YouTube.

It’s gonna be great. It is absolutely not the reason I hate this entire season, and dealing with this dynamic all year for decades is definitely not at all why anyone would content warning themselves ever.

I did manage to escape briefly at 18, but then my oldest sister died suddenly and someone had to hold it all together. I have considered selling everything, changing my name, and leaving the country countless times since then.

Incredibly, immediately before exchanging gifts, I got in a family argument this morning after someone accused Stalin of murdering his wife and supposedly being unwilling to save his son from the nazis because his son was just a private.

Truly a special day. I’m gonna go stand out in the rain in the backyard.

Edit: I am living in a hexbear bit.

That’s not a very flattering photo of JT.

Why is it always uncles?

Anyway I’m family free WOOOOOOOIHHH YEEAAAAH BABBBYYYYYYY LETS GOOOII

Holy shit this was exactly me today you have no idea. Like right down to the T.

I got called naive for saying its pointless to mindlessly punish children that commit crimes and for not “looking after our own before we take in all these violent refugees” I shit you not.

I just tell myself that I can’t cure stupid. Even if I were to drag them, kicking and screaming, out of ignorance on this one given topic they’d just toddle off and be fucking stupid about something else.

yeah my cousins hosting christmas dinner this year and her husband and in laws are turbo chuds. i cope every year by drinking a lot and watching football. go birds

Death to America

this is why i only talk to my mom and my sister

everyone else is dead to me and it rocks

I’m known as the extreme radical in the family for, when talking about some extremely fucked up shit, questioning why said fucked up shit is happening in the first place (hint: it’s usually something extremely dystopian accepted as normal)

It’s really like that