No, we hate stopping because it takes you all twenty minutes to pee and then another twenty to get food and snacks. And now your mother’s decided she wants a sit down meal and there’s a cute shop she wants to visit before we get on the road.
And now it’s five in the morning and we’ve been on the road for sixteen hours and we’re still 150 miles from home and you want me to check into a hotel to get some rest when we could have been back in our own beds by 10pm if we didn’t have to stop because your bladders are all the size of thimbles.
And I’m paying for all of this.
I saw a comedian who said “The only vacation a father gets is after everyone’s in the car and he closes the trunk. That short walk to the driver’s seat is so fucking relaxing.”
When I’m driving, there are 4 reasons to stop:
- The tank is empty.
- The bladder is full.
- I’m so tired we’re all to crash and die.
- The car is on fire and/or falling apart
Unless one of these applies, we’re driving. And if a stop is required, there are zero acceptable reasons to extend that stop that are not on this list.
Edit: “we’re there” is also a good reason to stop
On a recent road trip I discovered a new reason to stop. I saw a sign that said “drive a tank $99”
Did you finish your trip with the tank?
That doesn’t sound very enjoyable and seems a bit evil. The tank will hardly go a couple of meters before the bottom of the glass cracks and all the fish will fall out on the hot asphalt before suffocating to death.
What about hunger…
drive thru and eat while driving
Ordering ahead and picking up inside is much faster than a drive thru
Imma need a two-fer there, or it’s the side of I-whatever the fuck we’re on for 5 to 35 minutes.
The only vacation a father gets is after everyone’s in the car and he closes the trunk. That short walk to the driver’s seat is so fucking relaxing.
As a father of two, truer words have never been spoken!
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you lucky bastard!
I swear girls have insanely small bladders. I’ve never stopped on a road trip with guys, but with girls, you ALWAYS have to stop.
Hell, if you’ve got enough empty bottles dudes never have to stop. Piss jugs are the way of the road.
Fukin toe da so
You’d still stop for some friends of the road though, eh?
Are you just perpetually dehydrated?
No. Your body doesn’t need a gallon of water every other second. Excess fluids are pointless because your body just pees it out, because it can’t process it.
Not to mention too much water can kill you.
People think if you’re not peeing 2 times per hour, you’re unhealthy. I get CBC + other labs blood work done weekly and I’m perfectly hydrated.
Not to mention if you’re going on a long road trip, it’s okay to consume less fluids. You won’t die.
I drink an absolute ton of water all the time, but I almost never have to go more than every 4-6 hours, if not longer. It’s not like I’m holding it either, there’s just no pressure to go for at least that long. I normally have 40oz water bottles that I refill at least a few times per day.
Popping a squat is a lost art… My grandmother says.
Also this is what other people call your vacation…the one time you shouldn’t have to organize anything and just relax instead.
I’m a dad, I become friends with some cars, we get along well, then all of a sudden, the take an exit and leave me empty.
And then later you catch yourself wondering how Blue-Sienna-with-the-bumper-sticker is doing.
I felt that
Yep. I’m a dad and this is 1000% accurate.
Not a dad yet but apparently qualified to be
Same. I’m feeling like dad 101 and traffic 101 had a crossover event.
So true! MY dad used to pack us kids into the backseat, then drive us across country to see all the Southern states, or all the Eastern states, or all the midwest states. It was like, 600 miles a day in the back seat reading comics and eating cookies. I loved it. I’ve seen all the U.S. states, except Alaska and Hawaii. When I drive on a road trip myself, I take my time and I don’t care if everyone else passes me - I’m not in any race, I just want to enjoy the scenery and relax and eat cookies and drink the views.
As long as you’re not enjoying the scenery from the left lane, I have no issues with you.
Am dad. I feel this in my soul.
My parents are the reverse, we used to stop like every hour.
I’m in my 30’s and made a trip from Chicago to Denver with my brother. We drove the 16 hours straight through I think we stopped maybe 3-4 times for gas/pee/stretch/snacks maybe 30 minutes total NOT driving. It was so efficient and I appreciated it so much.
I drove my kids 14 hours each way to see the eclipse. On the first stop I said “Okay, we go in, go to the bathroom, grab chips, candy, and a soda, and we’re back in the car in five minutes.”
They were absolute troopers. We stopped maybe three times and each time they did exactly as asked.
Then we decided to drive to Disney with my wife and mother-in-law. The first time we stopped for a break it was at a Cracker Barrel, and they wanted to have a sit-down meal and do some shopping less than three hours into a 12 hour drive.
My kids looked at me in confusion. My oldest said “Dad, doesn’t mom know how to take a road trip?!”
Fuck this post has me so torn. On one hand I 100% support road tripping and long drives… gruelling even, but otoh…cracker barrel. If there’s only one on the route. You kinda have to stop. Shopping is a no no tho. Dessert is right out.
If you have a mini van, getting to go is totally acceptable.
Not allowed in a sedan. Don’t ask me why. You know why. Extra napkins.
Idk about cb to go…but fair if it’s within first 3 hr
Why would you drive that far when it would be more economical to fly?
Driving from one state to another is reasonable; a 16 hour road trip is not. Unless of course you don’t care about the money and just want to sight-see. In which case, enjoy your road trip.
Flying is cheaper when you’re solo, sure. For a family of 4? Flying is expensive. But the really expensive part is having to rent a car where you’re going.
For me, a ~12 hr drive to Florida for 1 week of vacation is about $400 in gas. That’s a lot more than plane tickets, until you add a $600+ car rental when you get there. Plus the flight dates have to line up with the resorts dates, which they usually don’t for cheap flights.
I hate it but driving is often the more economical option.
How much for you to fly to Florida? I’m in Canada, I can’t get anywhere for less than $400.
It depends a lot on what day you want to go. Allegiant runs non stop flights that are pretty cheap, maybe $200 round trip? But they claim as low as $50 one way if you pick the right day. Only a couple days a week though and prices vary a lot week to week.
Also the one time I did fly with Allegiant to Florida, I ended up stuck in the airport for almost 12 hours while they fixed a maintenance issue on the plane. 12 hours of “Just another 30 minutes. Stay near the gate” was miserable.
And of course all this depends on where you live and where you’re going. If you don’t have a big airport close by, the flights are going to be longer and more expensive. Or you have to drive for hours to get to a big airport, what’s the point?
Welcome to frontier. Here’s a $75 per carryon item fee for each of your kids. Congrats. It’s no longer cheaper.
And, the flight is cancelled… Here’s the website for the refund request we’ll see in 4-8 weeks.
Anecdote that happened to my dad:
My dad drove to Kansas with my mom and little sister; ~11 hour drive. Mom and little sis decided they would fly back instead, and my dad doesn’t mind (he likes driving, and probably enjoyed the solitude).
Dad drops them off at the airport in Kansas, and starts driving back home. He made it home before them, and ended up picking them up from our local airport as well.
I guess my point (besides just a funny little story) is that sometimes flying vs driving is dependent on a lot of factors. At least in the US, from what I’ve experienced. It really all just depends on the situation and what you’re trying to do. I have traveled a bunch within the US, both flying and driving (furthest drive being around 24 hrs straight, with a driving partner), and which one I choose is almost completely dependent on why I’m going and what I’m doing when I get there
Just my 2 cents though
I learned that day that it’s not a very scenic drive, but I made that trip a few times - one with a car full of camping and backpacking gear, and the other I drove a 26’ moving truck for my brother.
16 hours of driving, let’s say averaging 70mph, is 1120 miles. Even at a moderately shitty mpg for a modern car of 30mpg, that’s 37.3gal. Around most of the Midwest I can count on gas averaging $3.50 or less a gallon, so that’s $130 each way. That’s cheaper than anything other than extreme budget airlines, if you don’t need any luggage whatsoever. If you have more than a carry on, then you’re already saving money.
I’m basing this off Midwestern multi state drives, since that’s what I’ve done the most. I can get a cheaper flight on Frontier or Spirit, but again, that falls apart as soon as I add any luggage, and I prefer to travel with luggage when it’s a reasonable option.
It’s much deeper. You find that group of other dad’s, in the same mind, no words are spoken but everyone is one the same page of A to B without nonsense. A team of dad’s in a pack, look for them on trips and they’ll lead you.
Oh no! My travel buddy just exited form the highway!
goodbye my temporary friend. we’ll always have the time in that patch of i75 together.
I paired up with a rural postal delivery guy driving late at night once and we stayed together until the interstate. Hope he’s still doing okay.
Sometimes in stop-and-go traffic I (in my little roadster) will match speeds with a semi so that cars aren’t constantly cutting in front of them and forcing them to brake suddenly. I usually get a friendly wave from them or a flash of the 4-ways. I like to imagine the driver getting on the CB and telling all the other truckers to look out for the “little friend”.
Ma’am you’re causing an obstruction and they just want you to flash them back. As in, flash them back.
And next time learn to use your cruise control!
Then you see them at a gas station 100 miles later. “You see that Trooper get that guy?” , "yeah he was moving "
Til I’m a dad
Those idiots going 59 in a 60 area!
Sigh… /s
We have people going 100 mph in our 25 mph school zone neighborhood. Even when the school zone lights are on. IT’s a huge problem because in this area, there are more child deaths by being struck by car than anywhere else in the world.
Maybe they are older and need some empathy - its not so easy to drive when you get up there in years. Trust me, I’m 65 now, and even though I don’t need glasses to drive, I have some vision problems and I’d rather drive slow and safe and not run over someone. I do have every right to drive in any area that I wish to, other people need to stop being so frantic and angry and in a hurry to get somewhere that they can’t show the slightest bit of patience.
When I take a long trip I’m always happy to let other people pass me and pull over when I can so they can get by. I don’t know why people are in such a frantic, manic hurry to get where they’re going - they miss the opportunity to enjoy the drive.
I like to pass quickly because I don’t enjoy driving. I have to focus on the road so I don’t get into an accident. I’ll be happy once we get to out destination.
Maybe a lot of people feel that way. Unfortunately today people see driving as a chore instead of as a nice slice of time when you can relax and enjoy taking a journey and seeing the world. Maybe other people don’t get as much out of scenery as I do - but I like taking my time and not feeling rushed.
Yea I must admit the scenery usually isn’t that great for where I drive. And when it is nice either I am driving at least 100km/h or there is a lot of fast moving traffic. It’s just hard for me to enjoy it when I’m too afraid to cause an accident.
Well the local scenery where I drive is mostly just houses and fields, but the mountains around here (Utah) are amazing and drinking it all in is just a great thing I love to experience. I do recommend always paying strict attention to the road and traffic, though - that should come first no matter what.
That sounds beautiful, hopefully I get to enjoy that once. Some American roads do hit differently, in Europe though they are harder to find. That is without too much traffic.
Here in Salt Lake, our valley is surrounded by beautiful mountains, so no matter what direction you go there’s something great to look at. They’re very orange and yellow right now with all the autumn colors. But soon enough - covered in snow. But we do have a lot of traffic, more and more people are moving here. The only downside is, the mountains trap the fog and pollution so in the winter, we get a lot of unhealthy bad air days.
If you want to go fast just go on a track day. The amount of people who think they’re going to be a good racer because they can drive fast on a highway is mind boggling.
I have a sim racing rig and when there’s a friend of mine who’s a “highway racer” I like to challenge them to a time attack and just watch them flail around the track.
I like racing video games, but I have to admit I suck at them, I’m the one always flying over the railing into the ocean below. Maybe that’s helped me slow down a bit in my real driving (!).
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But if the dads never passed those vehicles, then the vehicles even further back would get ahead of them. The work of passing the vehicles in front has still paid off
Clearly the dads don’t care about how soon they get to their destinations, they just hate seeing others get ahead of them
The car did all the work. I just put the brick on the pedal and close my eyes. Jebus take the wheel!
As a non dad (thank God, no brats to tend to), I never stop. I can drive for days. Pee in the empty coke bottle. No wife, no kids, just me and the open road. Got my cooler with my sammiches. Not stopping ever.
He drives.
