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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-10-15 04:02:06+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/GenTube0
Originally posted to r/AITAH
AITAH for refusing to give up my vacation days so my coworker can go on her honeymoon?
Trigger Warnings: hostile workplace, entitlement, bullying
Original Post: September 30, 2024
If you want to imagine what this coworker looks like: Co-worker and her honeymoon
I work at a small company where vacation time is pretty limited, and we have to request it months in advance. I put in my request almost a year ago to take a two-week vacation during the holidays. My plan was to visit family, who live out of the country, something I only get to do once every few years.
Recently, a coworker of mine, who’s getting married, came up to me and asked if I’d be willing to give up my vacation days so she could go on her honeymoon. She apparently didn’t realize how quickly the days would fill up and waited too long to request her time off. Now, the only way she can go is if someone cancels, and since I have one of the longest vacation blocks, she came to me first. I told her I was really sorry, but I can’t give up my time. This trip means a lot to me, and it’s the only time I can see my family this year. She wasn’t happy and told me I was being selfish for not accommodating her “once-in-a-lifetime” event. Now, a few other coworkers are chiming in, suggesting I could be more flexible since I don’t have “special circumstances” like a wedding.
I feel bad, but I also planned this trip far in advance, and it’s important to me. AITA for not giving up my vacation so she can go on her honeymoon?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Top Comments
Commenter 1: NTA, I am assuming she planned her wedding for a while, it’s not your problem that she didn’t think ahead. Enjoy your vacation!!
Commenter 2: NTA
Apparently her own honeymoon was not important enough to secure time off for it.
Now, a few other coworkers are chiming in, suggesting I could be more flexible since I don’t have “special circumstances” like a wedding
Let them.give up.on their vacation, then…
Commenter 3: NTA You are not being selfish. Her poor planning does not constitute an emergency for you. She should have planned better and put in for the time off as soon as she could. Now she’s got to deal with the consequences of her procrastination.
If she or your other coworkers keep giving you a bad time about this, take it to HR or your boss. It’s not ok for them to be pressuring you and guilt tripping you about this. They’re bullying you and creating a hostile work environment.
Update: October 8, 2024
Wow, I didn’t expect my post to blow up like this, and I honestly can’t thank you all enough for the support. I’ve been reading through all the comments, and it’s clear that a lot of you feel as strongly as I do about keeping my vacation.
So, after my last post, things got… interesting at work. A few days after I turned down my coworker’s request, she sent a long email to me and CC’d our entire team, basically calling me out for “ruining her wedding plans” and labeling me as “unsupportive of a once-in-a-lifetime event.” Yeah, it was a lot. I was caught off guard, but I kept it professional, responded directly to her, and explained again why my trip was non-negotiable for me.
I thought that would be the end of it, but then our boss called me in for a meeting. It turns out, my coworker had tried to go over my head and get my vacation days reallocated to her. Thankfully, my boss was super understanding and confirmed that because I booked my time first, it’s mine to keep. However, things got awkward when he asked if I would “consider” a compromise—like offering her a week of my time and keeping one for myself. I stood firm, telling him that this trip is one of the few chances I have to see my family, and I need the full two weeks.
Since then, my coworker has been giving me the cold shoulder, and a couple of other coworkers have been dropping passive-aggressive comments. One even said, “You’ll probably be that person who refuses to switch shifts with a parent during the holidays.” Ouch. But here’s the kicker: another coworker came up to me and confided that they had been pressured to switch vacation days with the same person in the past, and they regretted doing it because it messed up their own plans. So now, I’m glad I stood my ground.
I’m not sure what the long-term fallout of this will be, but one thing is for sure: I’m not giving up my vacation. I need this time with my family more than ever, and I refuse to feel guilty for prioritizing that. Also, thank you to everyone who reassured me that standing my ground wasn’t selfish. It’s easy to second-guess yourself when the pressure mounts, but the overwhelming support here has made it clear that I’m not in the wrong.
TL;DR: Coworker tried to go over my head to get my vacation days, but my boss backed me up. Some coworkers are still giving me grief, but I’m standing firm, and I’m keeping my holiday trip.
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: I’m sorry but if this woman send an email to everyone attacking you, by name? Go to HR, this is a hostile work environment. Your boss knows of this and did nothing about it, and not only that, he tried to make you give up your holidays for her?
OOP: Unfortunately, I work at a small company and there is no formal HR department. I need to switch jobs asap but I don’t think I have that freedom yet…
Commenter 2: In this day and age with a woman like that, it’s not a once in a life time occasion, it’s just her first wedding.
Not your fault that she scheduled her wedding during your vacation. She could have looked at the work schedule then planned her wedding. She was careless, and you are just letting her know the world does not revolve around her.
Commenter 3: HR, make a complaint about her behaviour, cc’ing everyone in the office over a completely personal matter was intentionally pressuring you to do what she wants. She’s also pressured other people for other holidays meaning it has nothing to do with the wedding, it’s about her not planning and being the selfish one. If she gets fired, she won’t have any issues with the honeymoon.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
I’d throw out a line like “if there was ever a chance that I would give you the days or some of the days, it is now gone. You have created a hostile environment by shit talking me to coworkers and going over my head and I need the holiday just to recover from all of that”
